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23 May 2009 @ 10:04 pm
Maybe not like I dreamed, maybe not like you remember  
It's my 4th marriage anniversary today. As far as I'm aware, I'm still married.

So, there's that meme, I don't remember what it actually says, but basically, you can ask me questions about things that would have been obvious if we saw each other every day, like my eye color and whatnot. Or ask whatever else you wanna ask. I don't guarantee I'll answer, but I'll try.
la rêveuse: angie-1987merpatiputih on May 23rd, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC)
I haven't talked to you in sooo long! </3 I don't know what to ask you, so here's an normal question - how have you been? =)
la rêveuse: youranawaymerpatiputih on May 23rd, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC)
Excuse my grammar; *a normal question.
Faiththelibertine on May 23rd, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
I've been...hmmm. XD I don't know, nothing really changes much in my life. I've been indulging in movies, being deeply, deeply pissed that I can't get Ed Wood, perhaps annoying my neighbors, torturing/pleasuring (I'm not certain) my cat with cell phone ring tones, being unemployed, seeing nightmares, fucking with my LJ layout, sleeping too much, waiting for a miracle. You know, the usual.
You didn't really need to know all that, did you? XD
brendons_butt on May 23rd, 2009 06:19 pm (UTC)
I'm going to ask an open ended question: WHAT'S NEW? :) Did you get that job at the movie theatre? How's your leg? Etc. Tell me everything; it's about time we had one of our looong conversations again. ♥
Faiththelibertine on May 23rd, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)
Hey! I was just recently thinking about how much I miss those long long convos.
No, I didn't get the job. =( I don't know if it's even still a vacancy, they list it as one, but they never contacted me after I applied, so I don't know. They could have at least said something. My foot's reacting on weather like a bitch, hurts when I walk a lot, or just whenever it feels like it. I was gonna apply for a postman job, but I think walking 8 to 5 every day is just a BAD idea. Especially considering the insultingly pathetic pay for it.
My grandmother died about 2 weeks ago, I don't think I've told you that yet.
Other than that, nothing new has really happened. Right now I'm contemplating going to the grocery store to get chips. I'm cheap and broke, so I'm not sure whether I actually want to spend the money on the chips, but I really just get a kick out of going somewhere in the middle of the night.
brendons_butt on May 25th, 2009 01:05 pm (UTC)
Hm, that's awfully strange. Maybe their response letter got lost in the post; there's a sorry excuse. ;) Oh, well. Their loss. Will your foot ever get better? It's been ages, it should've healed completely by now, but then again, I don't know what injury you went through, so. Awh, that sucks, man. I hope it gets better, eventually. ♥ LOL, postman. No, I don't think so. That's like a more grown up version of a paper route. I'm sorry about your grandma. :( Were you close?
Faiththelibertine on May 25th, 2009 03:31 pm (UTC)
It was through email, so maybe they thought I was spam or something and never even read my application. XD Or maybe they don't even read their email. I don't know, the vacancy note said to send it by email, so I did. Sucky, I kinda wanted that job.
Well, I suppose technically the foot is healed, but when you break something, it never gets completely better. It'll always hurt, just at different degrees. The atrophy from the time in the cast makes it all worse too.
I think postman is actually worse than paper route. XD 'Cuz it's government. The pay is $140 a month. I mean, seriously. That's just a slap in the face.
Thank you. I can't say I was particularly close with my grandma. But she was a nice person. I mean, my other grandmother is an abusive bitch whom I cannot stand. She's still kicking. But the one who died was really really old and sick, so I'd like to believe she was ready. I don't think her life was very enjoyable and she'd constantly mention that she wouldn't mind dying already. So, I guess it's for the better.
brendons_butt on May 26th, 2009 11:46 am (UTC)
I broke my arm, almost needed surgery, but it healed and it doesn't hurt anymore. So, I don't know. Your leg shouldn't be hurting unless something's still wrong; you should see a doctor. What!? That's no where near minimum wage! How can that be allowed? I swear, it's got to be against human rights. Life works in mysterious ways .. at least she died of old age and not by some other tragic means.
Faiththelibertine on May 26th, 2009 12:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but how old were you? I had heart surgery when I was 7 and it doesn't hurt at all. Aside, of course, from that fact that the doctors fucked up, damaged my muscle and now I have limited use of my left arm. But I mean, the older you get, the harder it is for your body to heal properly. Seeing the doctor will do nothing, trust me. Doctors in Russia hate everyone and would probably kill off the patients if they could. They almost do, basically. My grandmother died in the hospital because they did nothing. They "diagnosed" her for 3 days, doing absolutely nothing other than giving her painkillers to keep her quiet.
I think the minimum wage here is something like $70 a month, which you obviously can't actually survive for. Even assuming you own an apartment and don't have to pay rent, the utilities alone are at least $60 a month, and that's without phone or Internet or any fancy stuff like that. So yea, it's not possible to survive for that amount of money. It should be illegal, but hey. Welcome to Russia.
Sorry, this message is full of negativity. >_>
brendons_butt on May 26th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
You don't get long-term pains from heart surgery? It's not like a broken bone. But, yeah, you're right. I guess, as you get older your body heals slower and less efficiently. I'm sure it'll pass eventually or get less painful, at least. Sucks, though. I get on a new level of 'shock' everytime you speak of Russia. It's worst than Serbia, and that's something! It is a bigger country .. I just still can't believe it. I don't blame you for being negative sometimes, you're surrounded by it. I actually admire how well you hold yourself, even if you don't agree.
Faiththelibertine on May 26th, 2009 02:28 pm (UTC)
I have pains in my heart, but I don't know if they have anything to do with the surgery or if it's something new. What I meant was that I have a scar across half of my body and aside from the muscle damage, it doesn't hurt, doesn't react on weather or anything like that. But I know people that had surgery at an older age have pains in their scars because of weather changes and stuff like that.
I feel bad shittalking Russia, because I don't want to seem nationalistic, or be nationalistic, but it's not really my perception, it's my experience. It's not like hating a country just because, like they hate us. It's just the stuff that I see first hand, and to think that it used to be even worse before, it's pretty scary. And I really hate this excuse that people use here a lot, that they aren't like that because they're mean monster, it's because their life sucks. But the truth is, their life sucks because of how they treat each other. I know it's easier to say than to do, but if people stopped treating each other like crap by default, things really actually would get better. But no one wants to make an effort. And the ones who do are so few that the swamp suffocates them.
Thank you. (= It's important for me to know I haven't turned into a vicious monster yet. The one thing that scares me is that the longer I stay here, the more fucked up I become, because you don't just go through stuff like that unscathed. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I'm dead and gone and go kill people and make them into meat pies or something.
brendons_butt on May 29th, 2009 09:23 am (UTC)
If you don't mind me asking, why did you need heart surgery? I broke my arm when I was 11 and jumping off a gymnastics horse. :/ If life treats you bad, you're going to treat others badly, too. No wonder the people of Russia are so damn frustrated. I've been learning a lot about Russia in history and from what history says and what you've told me, socially and economically they're not that far infront of where they were a few decades ago. Who can blame them, though? They've had shitty leaders in all kinds of shitty circumstances. Political idealogies have been the centre of major conflicts (ie communism vs. capitalism). Anyway, back to the present. We should all just be like Switzerland, haha. Meat pies? That's a clear Sweeney Todd reference. ;)
Faiththelibertine on May 29th, 2009 11:05 am (UTC)
I was born with congenital heart disease. My parents didn't have the money, or didn't want to pay it for the surgery, so they had a friend of a friend perform the surgery. Of course, I can't tell whether it would have been better had it been performed by someone else, but I know for sure the guy who did perform left me a cripple for life and that's just one more thing I have my dear parents to thank for.
Yeah, I know, bad living conditions make people mean. But there are people with really bad lives that are very nice and compassionate, so it's really no excuse. And I might have believe it's all about how bad their lives are if not for the time I've lived here, because I see things and how people act, how fake they are, how they'll be nice to you if they can profit from you, but treat you like crap if you're useless to them, how everyone sees you as an enemy by default, how they hate everyone who's foreign, yet shittalk their own country like you wouldn't believe. I mean, yea, history hasn't been particularly kind to this nation, but I still don't think that justifies everything. Because racism, homophobia and xenophobia have nothing to do with economic success, it's just that people refuse to evolve. A lot of it is religion, of course. And still, that's all just excuses. "I'm mean, because my life sucks". Okay, maybe, but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm mean.

Gymnastics horses are evil. >_>
brendons_butt on May 29th, 2009 10:22 pm (UTC)
:( I'm sorry; I don't know what to say.
Speaking as someone who comes who a crippled country, people can't evolve as people (and religion cannot adjust to modern times) if their country isn't developing around them and, not only that, but is suppressing them in countless ways. I appreciate that there are nice people with shitty lives, but it takes an extremely strong individual to rise above their surrounding environment. I think you'll, thankfully, never stoop to such bitterness because you know there's a better world out there, but most average Russians have probably never even been out of the country, or not very far from home, at least. It's a predatory human existence we live in and in a country like Russia it's the survival of the fittest. People are innately selfish and machiavellian creatures, anyway.
Faiththelibertine on May 29th, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
It's funny how people often don't know what to say when I tell them about my life. That's not a good sign. XD
Well, the thing is, it's not the 18th century. The availability of information has erased the excuse to not evolve because you live in this shitty little gutter. Russia isn't like it was during the lets-build-communism years. People have the Internet, television, they do travel. They know the rest of the world is evolving, they simply refuse to do that themselves. Yeah, of course, after 70 years the shit sinks in, but it seems logical to me that when you come out of the sea of shit you've been kept it for so long, the first thing you do is try to wash it off, while these people seem to treasure the crap crusted in their hair. Yeah, it sucks here, but mostly because of the people. There's an obvious lack of availability of certain luxuries, but it's not a jungle infested by hornswogglers, snozzwangers and wangdoodles, it's not kill or get killed. Doctors don't HAVE to be mean and irresponsible, teachers don't HAVE to be abusive, sales consultants don't HAVE to treat you like dirt. Yes, there are underpaid professions, but you don't become a doctor out of need, it's something you choose and learn to do for years, but somehow here the whole "I want to help people" and "do no harm" concepts get lost in translation, and I don't think it would be fair to say that's just because they don't get paid enough. Yea, it's hard to rise above the shit around you and refuse to be reduced to what's easier instead of doing what's right. Isn't it sad that one of the biggest countries in the world is populated by spineless cowards?
And, to be honest, the knowledge of the better world out there is making it worse, not better. Knowledge increases sorrow, you know.
iwantblood on May 24th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
Personal question: What was/is your marriage like?
Faiththelibertine on May 24th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
He ruined my life. Literally.
iwantblood on May 24th, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC)
Because he was a bad person? (you don't have to elaborate if you don't want to)
Faiththelibertine on May 24th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
Well, I don't know if you know/remember, but I'm stuck 5,000 miles away from home in a place I hate with a passion and the only reason I'm still alive is because I can't find a way to off myself. Well, he wasn't the reason I had to leave home, but he's the reason I might never be able to come back. He fucked up some very important documents and the situation is basically beyond repair. He also, obviously, thinks he did nothing wrong.
And yea, he's not a very good person.
iwantblood on May 24th, 2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
Oh man, that really really sucks. I don't even know what else to say about it. :|
Faiththelibertine on May 24th, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC)
Yeah. It's okay, I don't think I'd know what to say either.
Readmylettersreadmyletters on May 24th, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC)
:O what IS your eyecolor? And how do you style your hair/what color is it?

This is a good meme. Too bad you would be like, the only person who would ask anything otherwise I would post it.
Faiththelibertine on May 24th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
It's like...light green, I guess. It's kind of a nothing-y color, so you can't even tell what the hell it is.
My hair is dark brown and right now it's just a semi-long unstyled mess, and I really need to cut it, but I have no money, so it'll probably be this mess for a while. XD

Oh, I'd ask you so many things.
I rarely ever post memes or any kind of posts that require interaction with friendlist, because no one ever replies and then I feel bad about it, so I don't post at all.
Readmylettersreadmyletters on May 25th, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
That sounds like my eye color aha. The light green nothingness. That would be me.

And that smiley is really creepy. But I really like it :D And yeah that's kinda what happens with me. I know that if I post something, you will more than likely be the only person because you are the only one that I think really reads and takes the time to respond to me like I'm not just another post on your friends list.
Faiththelibertine on May 25th, 2009 11:58 am (UTC)
Team Light Green Nothingness.
I don't know if you've ever actually seen a picture of me. In case you haven't, here's me.

Oh, I'm STOKED when you post. I love reading your posts, and they're actually some of the most interesting on my flist. Well, maybe I'm biased, but I do love them. I wish you posted more, but then again, I think the fact that you don't post 5 times a day makes your posts all the more special. Each one's like a gift. ^_^
Lizzielizzasaurus on May 25th, 2009 01:30 pm (UTC)
do you like hugs?

Faiththelibertine on May 25th, 2009 03:17 pm (UTC)
From friends, sure. But if a random person even touches me, let alone hugs me, I'll feel very very violated.

I know, I haven't seen you in forever. How could you give up the Internet for something as useless as real life? >_>
Lizzielizzasaurus on May 26th, 2009 10:59 am (UTC)
i forgot to be specific D: friend-hugs are amazing!

hahaha because real life ~beckons with homework (ugh) and drama (double ugh) and lots of fun (?) hahaha. <3
Faiththelibertine on May 26th, 2009 12:06 pm (UTC)

Well, there's plenty of drama on the Internet as well. XD Not so much with the fun though, unless you count computer games and porn.
Lizzielizzasaurus on May 26th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
oh yes i'd definitely leave real life for online porn.

hahahaha. *hugs back*
Faiththelibertine on May 26th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
Real life porn is probably more fun though.
Lizzielizzasaurus on May 26th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
nasty XD
Krystalsugar_beets on May 30th, 2009 07:26 am (UTC)
Hi! I have no questions. I need to get back on MSN. I miss you
Faiththelibertine on May 30th, 2009 11:10 am (UTC)
Aww, I miss you too. D= I saw your message on Twitter yesterday, but you weren't on MSN, so I was all .
miss europa disco dancermanics on June 15th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)
I don't have a question for you, but I just want you to know that I miss talking to you - I know it's my own fault, but real life has been pressuring the last months and.. I don't know, I hope I'll be more online soon and I hope we'll talk again <3
Faiththelibertine on June 15th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC)
Aww, that's so sweet of you. ^_^ Yeah, I miss talking to you too. Glad you're having fun though, with the Manics show and all. =D Hopefully the rest of your real life isn't too bad either.